Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
