Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
two words...techno handjob
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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