I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
