I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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