Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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