please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
