i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
