Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
