On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
