Grow some girl-balls and come out already
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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