I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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