I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
