How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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