That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize