We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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