Dude my mom stole all your condoms
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
