I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
