He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize