Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
