her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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