he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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