so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
