How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
