he shaved USA in his pubs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
