i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
