she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
