Where did you get a picture of my penis
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize