how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize