I feel great
I just peed on a car
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
