We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
