okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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