Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
