am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
