He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
