and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
