I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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