Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
