its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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