I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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