google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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