I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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