we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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