I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
