The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
