well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Farmville is her only friend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
