Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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