He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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