And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
