she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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