I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
