god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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