His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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