i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
