and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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