You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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