If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
