if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
