i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
